hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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