i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
