I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
