Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think im going to throw up on grandma
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
