My nipple is on Facebook.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
