the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
