so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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