I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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