Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
