my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
