I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
