Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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