wakey wakey hands off snakey
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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