...so i touched it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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