The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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