As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
