i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
