just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
