i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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