This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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