you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
