you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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