Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
