Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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