His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
