you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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