If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
