Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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