how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
