he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This house was built for laser tag.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
