I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
