I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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