you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
