Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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