do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
