Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
the raccoons are back...
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