Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
