How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i dont even know how to be here
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
