GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
