this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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