I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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