Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
