He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We don't watch enough power rangers
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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