oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
