Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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