so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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