Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
