If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
