If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
