lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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