Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
