Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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